DAY 16: La Ley

I woke up this morning in my bra and tights, contacts still in making me half blind and make up still on. There was a half eaten bowl of pasta next to me and all the lights were on. I looked at my watch, it said 12pm and I honestly thought it was just broken. So then I looked at my phone and nope, it was 12pm - I had missed work!

So last night I was invited out for drinks with some of the office people. I really didn't want to go. I just imagined a bunch of older accountants having a couple of beers and being home before 12. With what I just described to you as my morning, clearly, I was wrong! I met Isabel and a couple of others at the metro stop and we walked to this nearby bar where everyone was wearing nice dresses and heels .... I was in a blue shirt and denim shorts (which I have somehow ripped). Anyway, the alcohol was free and I was very shy and nervous, so there was really no other option than to drink a lot. Everyone talked to me in English, probably not the point of me being here but hey, and they wanted to know all about the UK and how it's different to Spain. I then got onto a conversation about the differences between Spanish boys and English boys and Spanish girls and English girls. So this guy said to me 'This is how we perceive the British. You will agree with what I say about boys but you will get angry with what I say about the girls.' I nudged him on. 'English boys are...how you say.....assholes?' I agreed. 'And well erm, English girls, I think the word is...easy?' I laughed. 'You're not angry?' he said. 'Not at all. It's true.' And so there we go first impression made, I'm a slag. 

So after a couple of beers, a couple of sangrias, and a treble gin and tonic (yeah it's not just Newcastle folks ;) ), Fernando, crazy crazy Fernando ordered 5 shots of whisky and says to me. 'You're Scottish. You've got to show us how it's done.' Christ. I thought he was meaning I had to do all the shots! Luckily not, they were for other people as well. That did not go down well. 

We were in this bar until about 2am (early in Spain), drinking, smoking inside, dancing, eating...it was so much fun, and everyone was trying to teach me Spanish swearwords. Fernando, crazy crazy Fernando, told me that if I wanted to say that I'm drunk, I can use the word 'mamoda' (I think). However, this has two meanings, the first being 'I'm drunk' like he said, and the second, the meaning he did not to tell me, was basically 'I want to blow you'. Great. So as I said it to people I got a lot of looks like 'alright calm down you Scottish slag' until I was finally told otherwise!

We headed to a club around 2.30am which was really good fun and it was at this point I just became a total mess. It's that moment in the night where just don't care how stupid you look. I was jumping on people, stealing people's hats, taking photos and apparently...sending my friends snapchats of me on the toilet?? I really know how to stay classy. Suddenly it was 5.30am and it was time to go. We all walked out, which at this point I realised all the girls I was hanging with had gone, and it was just me and the boys. Anyway, I really don't know how this happened but I got into a political debate with this guy about the UK and Spain. I say political debate but it was really just him winding me up well with me drunkenly yelling 'yeah but you're country is in so much shit, the UK rule all'. What an embarrassment! I forget sometimes how angry I can get when I'm drunk...some of you will know this all too well! The argument eventually ended after I realised he was just taking the piss out of me and we ended up hugging being like 'I LOVE YOOOOOU'. Typical. 

I remember coming home at 6am and laughing so much and practially talking to myself going 'ah I have an hour to sleep. Hehehe. I'm so naughty. Hehehe.' Now I swear I set my alarm...but erm, clearly I was far too pissed. SO my boss is going to be happy on Monday.....

Oh, and I better mention, I called this blog 'La Ley' because that is what they have all started calling me. It means Law in Spanish. I quite liked it, because because I was 'the law', everyone had to play by my rules...which means, next time I go out with Fernando, he has promised to wear a skirt to represent a true Scotsman ;) yeah buddy.

DAY 9: Los Chicos

IT'S FRIDAY!!!! Slaw is happy happy happy.

So, I completed my first week of work and I have to say, I'm a little bit proud of myself. The work is really not that enjoyable and I honestly cannot stand the women I work with. They're so unfriendly and look down on me so much and literally I just want to be like 'er...fuck you.' However, on Monday, I've been told I'm moving departments to Events Management, which is apparently a lot more fun. Adios putas! 

I have met some lovely work people though and yesterday had a massive lunch with a few of them. I'm also meeting a couple of the girls on Sunday for sushi, so that's good - the social life is expanding!

I do have a particular highlight of work today. Sitting at my desk, this man suddenly appeared and said 'Hola Sarah.' Who was he? I didn't know, but, he was BEAUTIFUL. He was very Spanish looking, and I take back my previous thought about not finding Spanish men that attractive. He stood there, tanned skin, wavy black hair, shirt unbuttoned and a wee cravat. BEAUTIFUL. So, who was he? Ah, it was Pedro - my dad's friend from work who had got me this internship - gotta love a cheeky connection. Pedro took me down to his office and was very welcoming. He kept asking me questions but I literally could not bring any words to my mouth. It was so embarrasing! I almost felt a bit like Anastasia Steele when she first meets Christian Grey, but without the chains, whips and handcuffs of course! (Girls, you know what I'm referring to..boys..the porn of the female world, Fifty Shades of Grey)! I was on the phone to my dad after work and told him how BEAUTIFUL Pedro was. He then goes 'Now, I don't want you being flirty Sazzer - he's married with kids.' Dad, do you think I'm some kind of home-wrecking slut? He's also like 45! Just nice to have some eye candy!

As I said though, Spanish men usually are not very appealing to me. They are so pervy and as you walk past go either 'ssssssssss' or 'you. are. beautiful.' It creeps me out. It's like they almost expect me to turn around and go 'yeah boy, lets have sex, right now.' Ew, no thank you. British boys, however, if you want to tell me I'm beautiful then I will more than welcome that compliment - although I do not see that happening!

Now there's a cafe/bar opposite my flat which I went to by myself the other day. I ordered a beer and tortilla and sat in the sun with my book. The waiter was very 'friendly'...he asked me for my name, where I lived and how long I'm here for and wanted to 'kiss me goodbye' when I left. I have to pass it everyday on the way to work, so whenever I see him standing outside and about to come over, I look the other way or as what everyone does in these kind of 'not wanting to talk to you situations'...pretend I'm on my phone!

Enough about boys and my vanity at being 'admired' though. Tonight I'm off drinking. I met Lara and Christian yesterday and they were really cool. A couple of beers yesterday, and (hopefully) a few more tonight! Cerveza Cerveza Cerveza!

DAY 8: La Mierda

Being a Scot, it´s understandable I find the heat here difficult. That is why last night my stomach was tossing and turning for hours whilst I huddled over my toilet. How grim. I blame dehydration and my habit of drinking beer instead of water. However, it could also have been the ´tuna´empanadilla I had at lunch...tuna is meant to be red, right? I was so gutted as well. I had been invited out for drinks with some Erasmus people that night, MY FIRST FIESTA IN SPAIN!!! Instead, I lay in the fetal position in bed, watching a partiuclar home comfort of mine, The Great British Bake-Off. Moving on from that, I feel so much better today and I am even considering going out for drinks tonight - you can take the girl out of Scotland...

The past two days at work have been just a little bit better. I emailed a Madrileño from the office in London who I met this summer and asked her if she could "hook me up" with anyone in the office here. I met Laura, a lovely, younger, Spanish girl who said that she will show me around the city. It´s been with this that I´ve been thinking how important it is to push yourself in these situations. You need to ask people about things and express when you´re unhappy. Otherwise, like before, you could just end up sitting at a desk all day doing nada.

The boss still isn´t great though. However, I did get some slight satisfaction over her the other day. As I implied previously, she´s one of these people who is quite up on her high horse. As I went to the office loo and waited as the cubicles were all full, my boss then appeared out of one. Seeing me there waiting, an embarrassed expression spread across her face - that's right, she had done both a stinker and a floater! 1 - up- slaw. Don't look at me like shit babe if I have to look at yours. And oh, I waited until another cubicle was free...faeces makes me gag.