DAY 49: La Subnormal (Retard)

I really am quite a retard. I wish I could excuse this story with the fact that I was drunk or dancing or something but nope, I literally just tripped...I tripped and fell backwards into my glass coffee table, smashing right through it. Go me. Luckily I wasn´t too badly cut, just a bit of a slice on my leg which I carefully wrapped my towel round to stop the pulsing blood....so good at first aid me... I have really hurt my back though and went to the hospital yesterday to see if it was ok. I wasn´t entirely sure what they told me but I think I have fractured it or something...don´t really know what that means...and so I am on some strong pain killers. Woo! Missed work yesterday and literally spent the whole day in bed because when I stand up, it bloody hurts so much. Came into work today and really wish I wasn´t here but feel bad missing yet another day. I´M GOING HOME ON THURSDAY!!! YAYAYAYAYAYA :D So happy!! I get to see my beautiful doggy Djibril. He´s such a cutie. Funny how that´s the part I´m most excited about, yeah parents will be there and yeah home cooked food, but OMG MY DOG - I miss him so much. God I´m sad... Not much other news really. Been out a few times. Went to an awesome party last Wednesday actually, a Harper´s Bazaar VIP party if you will.....free cocktails....free manicure....free bottle of rum upon leaving....the new collection of Louboutins just you know, lying about......I felt like such an ugly mess though. There I was surrounded by stick-thin models and I stood there dumpy looking, attempting my best to look cool. I´m not cool, so that was quite a struggle. Saturday night was Lara´s birthday and was good fun, having a bit of a botellon in one of the plazas (drinking on the street) before heading to a club. I felt like a little underager hiding my beer as the policemen came to tell us off. We just replied ´NO HABLO SPANISH´and it seemed to work. Idiots. Diet is really going to start next week (can´t be this week...I´m going home, and knowing my mum, she is going to stuff me with home cooking til I can hardly move). So next week! Joining a gym (Erasmus grant should FINALLY be coming in thank God!)....and banning myself from cheese, bread and tortilla....If I am not looking bloody hot by December 22nd (special wee party going on then ;) ), I will be so disappointed. JUST DO IT SLAW.

DAY 41: La Lesbiana

You wouldn´t think it, but the insurance lot really are so funny. I work in Marketing so I don´t actually work with them, which is probably quite good seeing as I tend to make a tit out of myself most of the time I´m with them. Just speaking to a girl named Marta on the internal office chat, who I met on Friday night , I go "Yeah I always feel so stupid when I´m around you guys," she replies "No. We are a curious group because all of us work in the financial world in the Big 4, investment banks or doing a phd related to this....freaks. We work hard in very stressful jobs and that´s why we drink and smoke more than what is recommended, it is our way out, and after the first shisha and a few beers later, we have the IQ of a chicken." It made me laugh. She´s cute. She really is a funny character actually. On Friday she was telling me about how it doesn´t matter if you have sex with someone ugly because you can just turn the lights off and imagine someone else! She said she was joking when she said she imagines Pedro (remember BEAUTIFUL Pedro the big boss man from the first week) when having sex with her boyfriend, but I don´t actually think she was.... Anyway, on Friday night it was Tono´s farewell party and my classiness was truly thrown out the window. I didn´t think I had drunk that much when all of a sudden I started feeling sick. However, I was still "aware of what I was doing" let´s just say, and so I took this moment to go to the bathroom and tactically...you know what. I´m a grim person. However, it worked, I could continue on drinking and the next day, I DIDN´T HAVE A HANGOVER! Fabz fabz fabz. I´m sure I don´t give off a very good impression on these blogs but I don´t really care, I´m 20, Scottish and in Spain.... 

I went to Alacalá on Saturday and vegged out with Liz in front of several "fantastic" films. The first being, The Bling Ring, would recommend but is kind of weird and can´t believe it´s a true story. The second, Despicable Me 2, although sadly we didn´t get to see the end because of stupid streaming sites. The third one was, The Hunchback of Notre Damn. I don´t even remember watching it as a child but I don´t think it should be classed as children´s film....it´s so mean. Poor wee Quazimodo! What´s also embarrassing, is that I actually thought it was a true story up until that point, when I told Liz and she just looked at me like "what you on about?". That night, Liz really got lucky. We were sharing her bed and she said that 80% of the night I was trying to spoon her in my sleep and kept putting my leg over her as though she was my boyfriennd. Clearly my subconscious is telling me something....I´m sure she enjoyed it though...I mean who wouldn´t, I´m a very sexy person..... :/ There was also one point where somehow all the duvet and sheet was wrapped around me and I was trapped for about 5 minutes like a sauasage trying to unravel myself. It was quite a scary experience. I probably just shouldn´t share bed with people. Should probs just become a nun.

On Sunday, Sanderson came round and yet again Cristina cooked us all a lovely lunch, with lots of wine and sex chat of course. Cristina really does make me laugh, on the one side she is motherly and caring and on the other side she is just a hilarious and horny woman. I do love her a little bit. We then all went to smoke some shisha in a cool wee hippie café. We were all so relaxed when leaving that I just couldn´t be bothered getting back on the train.

I had to sit in on a 3 hour long conference today on the exciting topic of Taxes...life today was riveting.

DAY 38: La Nudista

Well well done me and my linguistic skills. I was talking to one of the girls at work today about my dad and describing to her the term 'dadd'y's girl'. In this explanation what I meant to say was 'I suck up to my dad so that he think's I'm a little princess'....what it came out as was ' I suck off my dad so that he thinks I'm a little princess.' F.M.L. The horror on this girl's face was followed by 'QUE?!' especially with the fact that I said it so casually. At first I thought, alright calm down love, I suck up to my dad yeah to fool him a bit what's the big deal, I don't like him knowing and I smoke, get drunk...and other things...(even though I'm fooling myself that he doesn't already know these things)...and then she told me what I said, forever scarring me with that image in my mind. Good one Sarah! Ew.

ANYWAY, apart from that work has been pretty busy this week with lot's of events. This means a lot of setting up tables and greeting people but it also means a lot of free food and wine. I got to go to an international event is this very fancy casino on Tuesday night and have lovely champagne and dinner. Actually, the dinner wasn't that great, it was fish (gag) - never give me fish - but it was still fancy. Today's event was a breakfast meeting called 'Fashion Lab' and so there were people coming from Luis Vuitton, Hermes, Cortefiel etc, and as you would suspect, a lot of very camp men! I tried to dress appropriately, you know business chic 'with a twist' but pretty sure my style didn't quite suffice. However, it was fun to see all these people none-the-less even though all I did was go up and down an elevator all morning bringing each person to the conference room. That's 50 floors by the way, up and down 50 levels every 5 minutes! There was a man and woman who came in and I just assumed they were business partners as they seemed to know each other reasonably well. Maybe they were, but they also seemed to have quite an 'initimate' relationship. As we went up the tower, he kept his hand on her ass whilst they kissed and stroked each other....not really something you would expect to see in an office for a global audits company..especially in a lift full of staff...but the Spanish are pretty fond of their PDA. Gag. Seriously, they are kissing everywhere you go, and in the park they practically have sex. So grim. Not a fan of a pda...

So I get the metro every morning to work and as you do on the London tube, I people watch. It's quite good because what I've come to realise is that Spain (I guess like London as well) really has a lot of weirdos. I've seen transvestites, more people practically having sex and women breast feeding with their full on boobs out, no kidding, I've seen their nipples and everything....and they call the English girls slags....:P It also gets so hot on the metro and as a fake tan user, this does not bode well, with brown beads of sweat dripping down my neck....lovely. Sometimes it should just be acceptable to walk around naked...although I guess that contradicts what I just said about the breast feeding mothers!

Apart from all that I have had a pretty quiet week chilling by myself, which has actually been quite nice. I can laze about and catch up on series, walk round naked, have time to cook nice food and skype my friends back home. Tonight, however, I am out for another 'despedida' (farewell party) so the free drinks will be flowing. Tomorrow then I off to Alcala (again)...it has become my second home! Here's to it being Friday! 

DAY 34: La Patata

I mentioned in a previous blog that when the other girls were dancing on the bar, I refrained, as to save people´s eyes. However, things change. On Friday night Rosie and I found ourselves up on the air above everyone, acting as though we fucking ruled the club. We also hopped on a podium thing and no one would dare even ask us to come down because yeah, we were fucking awesome ;) All in all it was a very good night, drinking almost an entire bottle of vodka between us, stealing shots at the bar and dancing away until it was time for a much deserved pizza slice! We arrived back at the flat (with Andrew) at about 3.30am (far too early for España) so continued to drink until we decided Mean Girls was all of a sudden a good idea :/ Munching away on doritos and salsa and a pizza I tried cooking in the microwave that literally turned black and tasted vile, we all lay in bed, laptop in front of us and loaded Mean Girls. Rosie and I woke up about 11am - Andrew was gone, the bed covered in crumbs and the titles of Mean Girls playing on my laptop...neither of us remembered watching any of it...pretty sure we all just passed out, oops. 

So you would think that as I had a friend to stay we would be proactive in doing touristy things, sight-seeing, walking, exploring the city...ok we did go and get some tapas (being all ´cultural´ and all) but really we spent most of the next day watching episodes and episodes of Breaking Bad. Yes, I am only JUST getting into it...so please stay hush! Saturday night involved slobbing in front of the tv even more, watching The X Factor and gorging on cheese. Sunday was shopping day! I say shopping day when in actual fact we only went to one shop, Sephora, spending so much time painting lipsticks and eyeliners on our hands and buying much more than we should have. For some reason I bought this sparkly fake tan that you can also put in your hair to make it ´sparkle´. Not such a great idea, my hair is not sparkly but instead a greasy, sticky mess...good thinking Sarah! We had a pizza for lunch and then decided to fat ourselves up even more by ordering a chinese for dinner. Seriously, I feel like I need to get liposuction! Diet starts today! 

So all in all it was a pretty fun weekend. Great chat and gossip (what else would you expect from two girls who haven´t seen each other for a few months), lots of wine, a lot of dancing (we were still complaining about our aching legs yesterday....we just worked our bootays so hard) and a lot A LOT of food. I am officially a potato.

DAY 31: La Spaztica

Do we speak as quickly as the Spanish do? Literally sometimes they speak so quickly as though they have to fit a sentence in before taking a breath. It´s funny because even though my Spanish is improving, I still sound like such a retard as I say everything so slowly, and if I try and say a phrase quickly, they have trouble understanding my whatever-it-is accent....am I Scottish (all my life there)? Am I Northern Irish (my parents are from there)? Or am I English (born there). The only thing I know is, I´m not Welsh. Let´s just say British. I helped out with an event this morning, greeting people, but as my Spanish is limited, I only ever said ´Buenos días´, again coming across as a spaz. Thankfully though some of them instantly knew I was English (British...whatever) and so understood that I wasn´t just stupid. It´s not that hard to tell. I stick out so much here, not only because of hair and skintone but, they are all midgets! I am literally a giant! Saldy my cold is coming back but thanks to Lara, I have found this new power drug which works so well! Usually nothing ever works for me, I´m always ill and always have some sort of cold, I´ve even been referred to just as ´the germ´(my friends love me so much...). However, this stuff is amazing and they don´t sell it in the UK. I´m defs going to be a wee drug mule importing tonnes of it back with me at Christmas time! 1 hour left of work (yes...I´m doing work right now....clearly..) and then time for a boozy lunch with Rosie. Bring on the weekend :)

DAY 30: El Vino

Had such a lovely day yesterday. After work I went to Alcala again and had yet another beautiful lunch at Liz's house. Her flatmate, Cristina, makes the most amazing food. There was chicken, chorizo, chickpeas in salsa, bread, olives, black pudding (kind of)..just so much...and it was soooo good. Of course a lot of red wine was consumed as well, along with gin and tonics, beer, and a cava milkshake! Of course, yet again, I am hungover. 

So of course being in Spain, we had lunch about 4pm and we were joined by Sarah (now referred to as Sanderson, and me Slaw) and Cristina's work colleague, Pablo....(such a typical Spanish name). A lot of good chat over dinner and later on a game of 'Never Have I Ever'.....playing this with an older woman who I swear has done everything..was good craic. 

At work today I had to envelope tonnes and tonnes of letters and then address them all, really pretty boring but at least I didn't have to deal with people in my hungover state. Literally, I arrived to work (straight from Alcala as I stayed at Liz's) in yesterday's tights, a smelly t-shirt, contacts slept in, greasy hair and make up on from the night before...I'm literally going to be known as the office skank! Ah well! Of course I had a siesta this afternoon and now I am preparing myself for a weekend of 'banter' with my pal Rosie who is visiting me....YAYA! 

DAY 26: La Semana

So haven't written in a while so best get crackin' on my past week. It's definitely been a week of ups and downs!

Monday and Tuesday I'm not going to lie, were pretty shit. I was feeling very homesick and lonely and I really missed everyone back home! However, things change. On Wednesday, I went for a very spontaneous night out with Andrew. We were doing a bit of a bar crawl and picking up leaflets from people in the street. One girl brought us to a club which was completely free for girls - this is what I love about Spain! Andrew had to pay 10 euros to get in but with that he got 2 drinks for whatever he wanted. I, on the other hand, was just given a glass to refill and refill - I chose gin and tonic, because I'm just so classy.... We then went to this bar called Starstudio which I had been to 3 years ago. The place has transformed so much. We arrived, and again being a girl, I got a free mojito ;) Everyone was dancing and we got up on this podium and belted out the tunes, which included the Proclaimers....best song ever for a Scottish person when you're drunk. Suddenly, these people were up on the bar, dressed up as LMFAO, they stripped off down to their pants and everyone went mad. Then we got funnels of cava poured down our throats (again all free) and then there was a competition on the bar for girls to 'shake their booties'...I did not compete...that would not have been a good experience for anyone's eyes! Of course at 6pm, we found ourselves in McDonalds before walking back home. As I said by to Andrew I go 'I don't even feel that drunk! I have to get up in a hour, I'll just stay awake..' So, if you've read a previous blog of mine, that sounds very familiar...and yes, again, I did sleep in and miss work! I need to grow up. However, I told my boss I had just 'forgotten to set my alarm' and she told me to come and work a bit later. It was fine and she wasn't angry at all....PHEW.

Friday was a good night as well. I met up with Liz and some of her friends from when she was in Spain three years ago. They were so much fun. Embracing the Spanish lifestyle, we went for dinner at midnight! Crazy, but that is so normal here! I drank so much wine, and I could feel myself getting pissed again. Liz stayed over on Friday and both of us woke up in the morning, heads aching and feeling numb. There were doritos in the bed, Liz was in her pants and my bag looked as though it had just been thrown across the room. I'm not even lying when I say that I stayed in bed until 8pm that day! Laziest person ever. Anyway, it was then time to get back on it, but this night was not the best....Lara came round for drinks which was fun and we chatted about everything, basically telling each other our life stories and drunkenly getting emotional. We then met up with another girl, Sarah, in a place called Tribunal where she was hanging out with some Spanish dudes. Now I'm quite an open-minded person and these people were lovely, don't get me wrong...but...if I say that they were all long-haired, pierced and tattooed, the picture of me in a blue and gold sparkly top and full face of make up, probably doesn't pop into mind. We had a drink with them in a bar and then I really decided I wanted to go home. I hailed a taxi and ended the evening watching X Factor!

I went on a wee walking tour by myself today to just get to know the city a bit better. It really is a beautiful city with so much to offer. I bought some Spanish food from a wee market, looked in a few shops, and then chilled at Lara's for a bit.

In terms of work, things are slowly getting better. I have been really struggling with it and it is definitely the hardest thing I've ever done. I feel like the team think I am so stupid! However, I asked my boss, Mabel, if I could have a little meeting with her about what's expected of me and just to say how I was feeling about things. It's a good thing I did! She asked me: 'So how long have you been here now Sarah?' '3 weeks'. She had such a shocked expression on her face. She for some reason thought that I had been in the other department for 5 months! She apologised and apologised to me because she had been treating me like I knew everything, when really I am pretty clueless. At least now they will understand why I'm so crap.

What I've learnt about Spain so far is that it really is behind the times on everything. I mean this in terms of the corporate world and in terms of lifestyle and culture. Technologically they are not as advanced, things close so early, everyone is late all the time and the men really do like to shout things at you. It's great in some ways because I love seeing different cultures and I like the way they stay true to their traditions, however, as I've said before, there is a reason why they suffer so much economically and a lot of it comes down to the fact that they are just not progressing with the rest of the us.