DAY 98: España

Things I Love About Spain:

1. My Boss. Have I mentioned that? Mabel - beautiful Mabel with her strong Irish accent when she speaks English, her fashionable clothes, her long gorgeous dip-dyed hair and her general just making me feel welcome in the office. She even got a wee Christmas card from me today. I love Mabel.
2. Food. Apart from the obese Brit that I am now becoming, the food here is delicioso. Spanish Omelette (Tortilla) - O.M.G - just beautiful. I became obsessed for a while, every time my friends would text me I´d be like ´just chillin, eating tortilla´. It´s my new hangover cure and I am going to make myself learn the recipe so I that I can share my tortilla love with people back home.
3. Nightlife. The allure of free drinks always gets me. I don´t care if it´s sexist, when a free drink is offered to you, you take it. I love the reggaeton music, bumpin and grinding and salsa dancing, and the fact that on several occasions now I have been up with the DJ - much to their annoyance and my anger at none of them knowing who Cheryl is.
4. Fernando. My crazy and good-looking pal from work. Always rocking up in his baggy shorts, messy hair and tattoos, offering me shots of whisky and begging me to buy him a kilt. Crazy crazy Fernando, or "Fer" as everyone calls him, except I don´t like that so to me he is FERNANDO. What a name.
5. The 24 hour shop with my wee pal Carlos who knows me now and who thinks I am a drunken mess, lesbian with emotions. Nevertheless, he is always a friendly face when I stroll around the corner to that shop either drunk or hungover to buy tortilla, coke and cigarettes. 
6. Alcala. I´d never heard of Alcala de Henares before, but seeing as two of my close mates out here live there, I am there all the time - eating their food and drinking their vino. As my dad said to me this morning "you´re Spanish experience really only seems to be that you drink and eat a lot". Yes Dad, it is.
7. Slaw and Sanderson Wednesdays. I had to mention this as Sanderson got upset last time when I didn´t mention her in my blog. So on a Wednesday, we now have (a probably very lame) tradition of eating too much food and drinking too much wine together. Yes, this has left us with fatter bodies, horrendous hangovers, stupid photos and embarrassing moments but we always have fun being the immature Sarahs that we are. We´ve made friends (Carlos from the 24 hour shop and a few waiters in a restaurant WE CAN NEVER GO BACK TO.....my fault....) and we´ve spooned on a ridiculous amount of occasions. The Slaw and Sanderson love will never die.
8. The Sun. Yeah it´s colder, and it´s not exactly tropical, but really almost everyday there is sunshine and for a girl from Scotland, that´s pretty much THE LIFE.
9. Beer. I was a beer drinker back home but I now have even more of a soft spot for the local Mahou. As I embarrassingly drunkenly said on Spanish tv one night when they interviewing people on the street: "¿Por qué te gusta España?" (Why do you like Spain?) "Porque me encanta la cerveza!!!" (Because I love beer!). Oh Sarah...
10. El Corte Ingles. The Spanish version of John Lewis. I shop in it´s supermarket all the time (expensive as it is) and I rummage through the make up isles painting my hands with lipsticks and eyeshadows until I decide I can´t afford any of them and disappointing the leering sales staff.
11. My apartment. My "lad pad" as my friends call it. Can get lonely but really, it´s awesome. I like living alone, I can eat when I want and walk around naked, I don´t have to clean up straight away and I can sing to myself and not annoy other people (even though my friend Liz always gets a full earful whenever I´m with her - I know she loves it really - my rendition of Rihanna´s "Take A Bow" is just beautiful....
12. How chilled the Spanish are. Sometimes annoying and unorganised but pretty good for those days when I´m late for work or clearly hungover and they just don´t care. 
13. Siestas. I never used to sleep during the day because I would never be able to sleep at night, but now, I can´t go a day without a little snooze (or a 4 hour one like on Monday). My mum always knows when is sleeping time for me so makes sure she avoids a phone call then, and my friends here know that if I don´t reply to a text almost straight away (being the phone addict I am) I am most probably sleeping. What is my life. Lazy ass ho.

DAY 90: La Vida

I haven't written in ages so memories are becoming pretty vague, what with my excessive drinking that my friends keep commenting on, so let's see what I can say....

Work is goooood and my Spanish is getting better and better, so I'm pretty chuffed. Thankfully, without sounding like too much of a bitch here, the new girl left. She was meant to stay here for a year but clearly just couldn't hack it like savvy Slaw can....Don't get me wrong, nice girl, but you know, I just couldn't help but be a bitch to her because she really was just irritating. She would do things wrong and them blame it on me or she would try and delegate her tasks to me etc..it was just like, babes, get a grip. Anyway, she left...wasn't enjoying it...so now it's just me and I have a lot more work to do now she's gone. It's quite good as it does keep me busy and I often stay until about 7pm doing stuff, but it can also just be a bit like eurghhhhhh and many fag breaks are taken. 

I'm obsessed with my boss, Mabel. She's soooo pretty and I think I just fancy her. I literally always try and dress fashionably so she thinks I look good because she is so "on trend" with everything. The others are all pretty great too. Sometimes annoying and sometimes soooo unorganised, like this morning I was woken up at 6am to be told to get into work early - thanks for the warning - wouldn't have stayed up watching the finale of Breaking Bad if I had known. To be fair though, at least I wasn't hungover... 

What pissed me off today though is this guy in the office. So he only arrived last Thursday and sat in the desk in front of me and I did not think anything of him. We spoke no words and I don't think I gave him a second glance. Then when I was packing up my stuff at 7pm he told me to wait and handed me a piece of paper with his phone number on it. Now being classic silly me, I just kind of giggled, which probably came across kind of rude thinking about it now, but hey, who cares - I'm the one being given the number :P. Anyway, I felt it was rude not to text him seeing as I would be seeing him at work today (we had Friday and Monday off). So I texted him and just said it was me and then he proceeded to ask me out on 2 dates over the weekend, both of which I declined - I hate dates with someone you don't know, so bloody awkward. So today he came into work and it was just so incredibly "uncomfortable". He kept staring at me so I pretended I was focussing on my work and then he kept texting me and I just pretended I hadn't seen my phone. No banter whatsover, not the kind of guy I am interested in. One of the texts was like "isn't it funny how no one here knows"...I'm like dude there's nothing here to know and actually they do know because I was taking the piss out of you with them earlier. So then he asked me out for drinks after work and again I declined and he responded with "that's ok, means I can go back to working out in the gym"...really? Did you really just say that? Gag.

I've been getting quite lonely recently in my wee apartment, the novelty of living alone is kind of wearing off. I come home and I have no one to talk to and so the amount of tv watched is becoming ridiculous. I'm considering just taking my dog back with me from Edinburgh after the Christmas holidays. I miss my wee cutie. 

And of course there have been a few drunken nights but I can't remember anything silly I've done....oh no wait, that's a lie. I poured a beer over a guys head the other night because he was insulting Scotland, which was fairly amusing. He then got me back by pouring his vodka over me and I got raging yelling "but I have hair unlike you!" Damn hair was so sticky the rest of the night. Need to learn. We also almost got robbed the other night but luckily my friend Michael was there to save the day as I claimed he was my husband. 

Just over a week now until I am back home and I CANNOT BLOODY WAIT. Can't quite believe I've done 3 months here now, time has flown by and I have absolutely loved it! I am so excited to go home though and see my family, my doggy and my friends, eat Mum's cooking and have my 21st birthday party (woop). Until then, I am munching on purely celery sticks as I'm very very worried that my outfit for my party isn't quite going to fit....yum.

DAY 75: La Cocaina

Fair to say I think I have officially killed my liver. 

Friday night was a good one and Liz and I were all dressed up for a big night. Pre-drinking a ton of (very cheap) gin and tonic, we then headed out with some American girls. First stop was an Irish pub, of course, but it wasn´t long before Slaw wanted to dance and sing and Liz and I had to drag everyone off to the club. Now don´t get me wrong, the club was fun, and I thoroughly enjoyed making a tit out of myself whilst I danced to the "beats" that were playing, but sometimes these "beats" just get a tad boring for me so it wasn´t long before I was trying to get into the DJ booth and request music. At first, the DJ was ok with this...I got some Avicci on and was pretty happy. However, we then slowly got into a fight. Being standard Slaw, I kept jumping up and requesting Cheryl Cole and he kept replying saying he didn´t know he she was. I was so disappointed, I started googling pictures of Chezza on my phone and shouting at him, declaring my love for Cheryl. . Anyway, eventually he basically told me to piss off so I ran outside to the smoking area to relax myself from the drunken fury that had built up inside me. "But it´s Cheryl!!!" I screamed to everyone outside and went on a big spiel about how I think she´s so amazing. ANYWAY, sitting in the smoking area, I had decided to take my jacket off....I do go to Newcastle Uni after all....and everyone kept on touching me saying that I must be cold and that I was crazy (that´s right....Spain is no longer the warm country that everyone envisions). I didn´t care though and I was blatently trying to be all laddish and cool being like "no pasa nada". It was then at this point I decided to wander off to another area all by myself (not really the best idea for a drunk, Bristish girl in a foreign country...but it is something I seem to be quite fond of when "under the influence"). I really don´t know how this happened but I started making friends with this group of men and telling them that I wanted coke. So handing over my money I was just like "yeah bitchezzz it´s time for some cocaina!" and then I saw Liz and got too excited and ran away. We continued sitting in the smoking area when two of my new "mates" came over....two big fat Spanish men. They said to Liz "so do you want cocaine as well?" and she (alarmed) went "nooooo" before I could even give me "enthusiastic" reply. Liz at this point decided it was best that I went home and dragged me back to the house where I (tactically) chundered and went to bed. Most probably a very clever move. Thank you Lizzy!

Of course Saturday was a "veg" day of lounging around and eating crap. We watched "The Holiday" and being my emotional, hungover and tired self I kept crying at it. It´s not even a sad film! I was seriously such a mess and the plans we had for later on that evening to me just seemed impossible. "Liz I think I might just stay here and cry and eat chocolate" I told her as we headed out to meet a group of people for the night but thankfully I didn´t because that night was soooo much fun. We went to a German beer festival called "Oktoberfest", but of course being in Spain, it´s in Novemeber, ALWAYS late. It was amazing. We each had litre glasses of German beer and sang and danced the entire night to the cheesiest of songs. Was a tiny bit like being at Flares (Newcastle reference). The Birdie Song came on (although the bloody Americans kept calling it the Chicken Dance and I was just like errr....no), along with YMCA, The Grease Mega-Mix AND The Pizza Hut Song!! Does anyone else remember that? .... A pizza hut a pizza hut, kentucky fried chicken and a pizza hut, mcdonalds mcdonals....etc etc.....no? It was blatently aimed at all the children there but we were just loving life and people were even filming us because we were all obviously looking like complete idiots. There was also an Elvis tribute act who was hilarious but we couldn´t quite work out the connection with Germany....anyway, clearly a very cultural event.

Lovely Mother Cristina the next day brought her "cucarachas" (cochroaches as she likes to call me and Liz) freshly squeezed orange juice in bed the next morning. I mean seriously, this was like 5 star treatment. It was then not long before she invited me to stay for yet another big lunch with some family and friends. This couple arrived in with such cute dogs that I just could have cuddled all day but the funniest thing was that they both arrived in in wee wooly jumpers and then got them taken off when they came inside. Literally like having a couple kids! I still don´t think I will ever really understand the clothes for animals thing...although I do find it entertaining putting hats on my dog back home...but I´m just weird. Of course this lunch was filled with red wine, as always, and we were even made to do some sort of absynth-like shot after dinner. Crazy Spaniards.

Anyway, I practically died last night in bed and I still feel rough today. Slaw just can´t hack two nights in a row anymore...getting old!! Work is going to be dire....

DAY 71: La Reina de Etiquetas y Tostada

I literally am the Queen of label-making...what an honour....:S So this week has been pretty hectic at work and I must have made and printed (and stuck on) about 1000 address labels (wooooo JUST LOVE MY JOB.....). It´s not actually too bad, well the making them on Word isn´t too bad, but sticking them on envelopes really is quite dire...at least I have my ipod. Anyway, I got pissed off yesterday, long story short, two girls took credit for MY enveloping "skills", when I had done about 200 and they had done about 5. Fucking wanks. It´s the most stupid thing to get annoyed about, but still...labelling and enveloping is pretty much my life at the moment....VIVA ESPAÑA..

The week in summary though unfortunately has not been that eventful. Last Friday I went out for lunch with a few of the girls from work, which was pretty nice except I was in a foul mood and just wanted to sleep. I swear I also got killed in the car one of them was driving. The Spaniards literally are just mental drivers...I could never survive. We got into the car and when Gabi turned on the ignition, dance beats started blaring and she just goes "oops sorry that´s for when I´m drunk". So great, in a car with a casual drunk driver....I put my seatbelt on. Apart from that my life has mainly been slobbing, working, cleaning my apartment (eh eh) and beer-ing. Lara and I drank beers out of mugs on Tuesday afternoon which was a nice way to serve them...fair to say, a beer in the afternoon makes me oh so sleepy and I was in bed before 9.15....clearly getting old. Sanderson and I went out for beers and dinner last night as well (eating far too fucking much...I literally look like a whale atm) and then decided it would be good to stop off at the corner shop on the way back to mine. I´ve had to avoid this place recently as I have been using it far too much. I go there for one of three things: chocolate, cigarettes or tortilla...and I am usually always alone. The guy even said that to me once: "you are always alone"....what a sad life I do leave, let me just go back to my cave and cry about my despair of having no friends....however, I now think that he thinks I´m a lesbian. Both times I´ve been there recently have been with either Liz or Sanderson and both times it´s been late and we´ve been tipsy....just bringing back yet another girl to my lair....

Sanderson really did get a full on spooning last night from me (although she didn´t know this as she was passed out). It´s just nicer when there is someone there to put your leg over...sounding kind of like a creepy lesbo slut now...

Again, I am unsure of plans for this weekend but NEXT WEEKEND I´m having a flat party....ooh yeah. Kinda worried though, as my flat really does smell, I could see Sanderson flinching when we came in last night. That´s the bad thing about living alone...no one to tidy up for (plus side: you can be lazy if you want, which is what I do....down side: yeah you live in a stink hole).

Oh and the highlight of my week (and this truly proves how boring my life has been recently); I found a toaster in the top cupboard of my kitchen...HALLELUJAH...as long as I don´t buy another tub of Canembert to melt and spread it over the bread like the other day (nom nom)...I don´t see the problem in indulging in one of the easiest and yet most satisfying foods there is. (Yes, I love toast). 

DAY 65: Los Coños

Life here is pretty awesome but I do have to rant a little about Spain and the Spanish.

1. MEN. Oh my God I HATE Spanish men. They are vile and disgusting perverts. They just think it´s acceptable to shout things at you in the street or hiss at you because you look foreign. It is so disgusting. I don´t really get what they expect you to do either. Is it like, "Oh!! You yelled at me on the street/from your car/in the shop/in a café...let´s just have sex RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW. I want you baby." Seriously, what do they expect? Am I meant to be flattered? It is horrible and makes me feel so cheap and scared. It really does suck being a girl. Mother´s tip for this one: wear a burkha.
2. SLOWNESS. I can´t get over how slow people do EVERYTHING here. It´s like a population of tortoises and snails. At work, they´ll give me a task, and I´ll do it, and they´ll be like "oh that was quick!" And I´m like, "err not really, how long does it take to stick a few labels on some envelopes?" If I ask to get something done, then like 2 weeks later it happens. In restaurants and cafés it´s bad as well. You will go up to the bar, wait whilst they chat to their friends, they´ll ask what you want, start making it, then go ask someone else what they want, then chat to their friends, then start making the other persons drink, then finish yours, then finish the other persons, then ask you for money, then serves someone else and then finally they take your money. I´m not a very patient person so this is all just pretty shit. 
3. MY LANDLORD. So I have never really dealt with my landlord, everything goes through this woman at work, who I have to say (is a bit of a retard). I am still yet to pay my rent bills for the two months I´ve been here and they just don´t seem to care. I have sent emails and emails asking how I pay, and all this woman emails me back with is the landlord´s name, useful? NO. I bumped into her the other day and I asked her again and she goes "what else do you need?" I´m like "what do you think I bloody need? You can´t send money over the internet via one name.." Eventually she sent me his details, but without a bill or anything and none of it makes any sense. Basically the jist of it all is is she´s a retard and he´s a retard and sucks for them being both retards because no money is flying anywhere their way....not that they seem to care..
4. WHY ARE SPANISH PEOPLE THIN? They eat so much. Breakfast before work (perhaps cereal or something), breakfast at work (muffin/pain au chocalat/churros), 3 course lunch, tapas (all fatty and fried). I mean seriously, I am really quite happy I cater for myself as I am on my way to becoming a whale.
5. TECHNOLOGY. Websites for gyms etc don´t have prices. Bank websites don´t have opening hours. You cannot get wifi in a house unless you have a landline. They sell cheap knock off chargers that don´t work with iPhones. The email system is way behind. As a bit of an obsessive with technology (especially with my mobile phone), I don´t like this.
6. RUDENESS. The Spanish are known for being slightly rude. I guess to themselves they are not rude, but to everyone else in Europe they seem rude. They find it funny that I say "please" and "thank you" all the time and think that I am so polite. They don´t say "will you do this?" or "would you do this please?". They just say do it. They speak in quite an aggressive manner. It took me a while to get used to this. At first I just thought everyone was just a cunt. Actually, that´s another thing...they swear ALL THE TIME. Now I´m not someone to lack in the swearing department but there´s a time and a place. They swear in schools, in the office, it wouldn´t surprised me if they swore in church. Literally, I was helping out at an important event a few weeks ago and one of the big boss men just entered the meeting going "qué coño"...translated as "what a cunt". No one batted an eyelash/eyelid (I can´t remember what that phrase is...awkward).
7. DRIVING. They can´t drive. Rich coming from me, but they can´t. They don´t indicate, they don´t stop at red lights and they just beep their horns. I´m surprised I haven´t died yet.

Rant over. Happy weekend all!

DAY 64: Las bebidas gratis

Well, this is great, I am sitting in work, stinking of alcohol with a horrendous headache. Everyone knows I am hungover, I have already been "told off" and eurgh I haven´t even had breakfast. Queiro morir! (I. want. to. die.).

So Sanderson and I went to a shop yesterday..."Los sabores del mundo"..."The flavours of the world"....purely to find one thing...IRN BRU. There really is nothing like it. It´s so expensive here but just so worth it (especially on days like today). I ended up spending 16 quid ...oopsies. They also sold Dairy Milk (another important purchase) and Smarties!! (I know what I´ll be doing this afternoon...). So after this (very important) trip, we decided to go for drinks and dinner. Strolling around Sol, trying to find the cheapest place for beer (of course) we were preyed upon by a promotor (of course). He took us to a bar where we each had a pint of (very strong) tequila sunrise for 3 euros. I really have only just remembered this and it definitely explains the goings on later in the night...

Dying for food, we ventured on to the restaurant where I have now been 3 times...parents, Liz and now Sanderson. They just love me there and of course we were conned into getting free drinks AGAIN. We arrived there about 7.30pm and they kept asking us to stay until 2am when they shut. We were so against this to begin with, but yes somehow time flew by (6 hours in a restaurant?!) and we both ended up hammered and going to the Irish pub next door with them....where we bought more drinks. In addition to this, there was a man selling funny glasses and hats etc outside and thinking it was hilarious, we bought some. I was going around this bar with pink flashing Minnie Mouse ears on.....We must have looked so stupid, made better by the fact that we were taking so many selfies (who doesn´t love a selfie?!). So these MEN we came if with, the waiters and two random fat bald guys separated us. It was a sad moment. Both clearly too drunk to notice, I was taken downstairs and Sarah was kept at the bar. Finally, we found each other and decided to run away (to McDonalds) and then to my apartment where we nom-ed and passed out.

I woke up this morning at 8.50 (10 minutes before work) when Sanderson suddenly said "Slaw, don´t you have work at 9?" Christ, what is wrong with me. I haven´t done this for a while now but clearly nothing has changed! However, I DID MAKE IT INTO WORK by 9.30am..just looking a bit "drab". Cannot wait til I finish. It is days like these I love just having a desk job. Poor Sanderson had to go and teach English to a bunch of 14 year olds.

So apart from that, I really have nothing else to say. Work´s the same, except for the new girl kind of annoys me...(I´ll rant another time) and I am really still pretty lazy. However, I have started walking to and from work every day, which is about 50 minutes each way...so that´s pretty healthy! It´s kind of embarrassing actually..I listen to the Nick Grimshaw Breakfast Show every morning on my way to work (brilliant show just brilliant) and I must look like such a freak because I am constantly laughing or smiling to myself about what´s being said....people must think I´m in love or just had sex or something. ANYWAY, yes that´s all for now. I´ve now been asked to "do some work" and I´ve already unimpressed them with my "antics" so best be off...ciao.

DAY 61: La Puta de la Oficina

Still at work! My first "full" Spanish working day. They work until 7pm waaah. (However, did get a nice big lunch in the cafe followed by some sunbathing outside the office with a few of the girls...so so Spanish!). It has been so busy up until now and I am pretty damn proud of myself. I was given a task on Friday to be completed today and it was quite technical and important because the big bosses would be reading it. Anyway I got it all done and Mabel checked it over and apparently I did a "fantastic job" #gome. The new girl didn´t help though. I´m becoming such a wee office bitch. We were initially meant to split the task but then she did it all wrong and I had to go over and correct it all...I mean geeeesss....it´s almost as if I have never been in that position.....

I can´t believe I´ve been here two months now! Cray cray. Time is flying by. And to think when I first came I literally hated this job and couldn´t do anything right....things have changed so much. I´ve also now been able to extend my job until June next year! So so so sooooo happy! Initially, I only had it until February and then I had to go and find another job elsewhere, which is pretty tricky in the current Spanish economy, especially without "Daddy" as a contact...

So the weekend was fun, and for once I wasn´t out getting shitfaced. I´ve been quite embarrassed lately as two people over the past week have both said that I am "like a child". So there´s my friend from uni who said I always just talk about "embarrassing myself when drunk" (which is true...) and then my friend here who said that I sing and get hyper too much. After years of thinking I was "older than my years", I´ve discovered that I really am just an immature 20-year-old...I have two months until I should probably start "growing up". ANYWAY, Liz and  I went shopping on Friday evening (that´s right, after complaining for two months about how I am so broke and going to be homeless soon, MY ERASMUS GRANT CAME THROUGH and I actually just feel so bloody rich!.....Bets on how long it lasts...2 weeks?) So yeah we went shopping and I bought a jacket, a t-shirt (in the sale at least) and lots of jewellery (and only cheap crap that makes my fingers green...would you really trust me with an 100 pound necklace...err no. (There are no pound signs available on a Spanish keyboard btw fyi). We then had a gorgeous dinner in a nice wee Spanish restaurant where I took my parents when they came. After finishing our meal and asking for our bill though, the charming waiter did not want us to leave, so invited us to a free glass of wine (I´m just irresistible, I know). After thaaaat, we then asked for the bill again when we were then offered a free shot. We gracefully declined (see, that´s me, growing up...). It was pretty evident they were trying to get us drunk.

In hysterics, Liz and I got the metro back to my flat where I just "tipsy-ly" sang and danced for her. She is a lucky girl eh? But the wine had kicked in making us sleepy by this point and so bed it was. I have a bit of a problem with wine. If I drink too much of it, I just don´t sleep well. So I slept for about 3 hours before waking up at 3am, amusing myself with Liz´s sleep-talking. It was this at this point, I decided to put on ma pod and have a wee boogie in the bed, waking Liz up with all my bootaaay-shaking. It was very strange, I literally felt like I was high or something. SO WIDE AWAKE. So this continued until 7am - not all "dance-floor fillers", I also went through an emotional I HATE MY LOVE LIFE phase with Adele and (this is cringe but, Demi Lovato)...and then through my "chill" playlist until I could finally feel myself getting tired. 

We went to Toledo the next day which is the old capital of Spain and it was really beautiful. There were cathedrals and a mosque and we even got to see the start of a Spanish wedding, which was pretty cool - not sure the bride was too happy with us gate-crashing though! By the end of the afternoon, however, we had gotten pretty bored, that was enough culture (and walking for the day). It was then back to Alcala for a night of X Factor viewing and movies.

Cristina made me YET ANOTHER fabulous lunch yesterday. I´m not really sure what it was but there was a meat in it that tasted a little bit like black pudding....nom..

I don´t have any plans this week :( However, I guess that is very Spanish and so I´m hoping something "spontaneous" will come up. Apart from that, might be planning a wee flat party. Show everyone my "pad". Or as my friends here call it, my "lad pad" because you know....just bring back sooooo many men don´t I.....naaaat. As I said to my brother drunkenly on Facebook about two weeks ago "I am not a slut Pat! Don´t worry your little sister is not a slut!"....rambling on....I don´t know why....about some "goings-on" in first year....oh dear Sarah, oh dear.

DAY 57: La Prostituta

Sometimes I feel like I´m a prostitute. Not because I ask people to pay me for sex (although that would come in handy given my current financial situation) but because when I go out for drinks I literally just stand around the streets waiting for someone to proposition me with flyers for free drinks. It sounds sad, and of course when I say this I´m not implying I do this alone, but it does actually work. So take last night for example, Andrew and I went out for some vino and got some free shots, some free drinks and a free shisha. We did, however,  have to pay for some of our drinks....what a pain :P. There´s this wine bar near Sol which gives you large glasses of wine for 1 euro a glass....so of course we ordered 2 each at the same time and poured one into another...we know how to play this game. Andrew and I also really know how to lower the class in any situation. There was a cute wee old British couple sitting in front of us who were obviously out to have a nice wee evening together. Without realising at first that they were in fact English, I started telling Andrew about a story I heard from Castle Leazes when I first arrived in Newcastle....I may as well repeat the story now for those of you who don´t know it:

"There once was a girl who went back with a guy after a night out to have a bit of fun. In the morning, she snibbed the door and went to the loo where she took a massive shit. Blocking the toilet, she (strangely) decided to fish out the poo with a plastic bag (I really don´t understand this...I personally would have just run...). She then proceeded to carry the poo in the bag to find a bin. On her way to the bin she went back into the guy´s room to pick up her things and leave and also wrote him a wee note saying something like ´Thanks for last night. I had fun. Here´s my number´(this a very polite girl)! She left the note beside his bed whilst he was sleeping and left, unsnibbing the door. Now of course us ex-leazes folk will remember the big drama of locking yourself out your room if the door is left unsnibbed. (Too many funny images of students having to go down to reception in their towels after forgetting their keys). So anyway, as she left, she suddenly realised she had left her bag of shit beside the note! What a lovely ´reward´ for the ´lucky´guy to wake up to after a night of drunken sex."

SO, yes I told Andrew this (far too strange and unrealistic to be true) story or "myth" in the bar and the old couple literally looked at me like a piece of filth. As I said, I really know how to bring down the class in any situation. Andrew and I downed our drinks and left.

Woke up this morning feeling a little bit ropey, but thats nothing some Irn Bru imported from Edinburgh Airport at the weekend can´t solve! I bought two bottles at W H Smith...you know...the little 2 for such a price offer that you get there....and drank one on my flight and "saved" the other one for Liz, who is also Scottish and who I´m sure also misses the bru (who wouldn´t?!). However, when I´m hungover, my thoughts for others just fly completely out the window, so sorry Liz, you can wait another month until the beautiful bright orange soda hits your lips again!

I was on Skype to my friend Felicity yesterday who asked me a very important question. "Sarah, do you actually do anything cultural, you know, besides going to work and drinking?" So this is embarrassing, no I don´t Felicity. No I don´t. What is my life? Uni sends you to a foreign country to learn a language and some culture....I´m really failing at life right now. It also makes me laugh how uni gives you money to go (not that I have received it yet). Surely they must know what most of that money is spent on? a...l...c...o...h...o...l. Saying that, my friend Rosie made a very important purchase with her grant...a wee designer handbag! Seriously, only Rosie would do this...bloody model. Andrew was also telling me last night about someone he knows who literally got a nose job with hers! When in Rome right?

DAY 56: SCOTLAND

A few weeks ago I would have said that if I went home mid-way, I probably wouldn´t want to come back...however, I really do love it here so all is good. Home was nice though and I literally stuffed my face with roast pork, lasagne and whatever else Mother Hen had cooked for me....I think she secretly wants an obese child...It was a pretty chilled weekend with lots of cuddles from my lovely doggy and just a tad of shopping. I say "just a tad"...I now have no money. I thought my Erasmus Grant would come through yesterday....but it hasn´t...#financiallyfucked.

So I got back today and there was a girl sitting in my desk. I´m sorry, WHAT. Been here 2 months now..I have established my working area bitch. She´s the now new girl and was offered my desk, so now I´m sitting opposite her, hidden by a closet next to me so no one can see me...don´t know if that´s good or bad. Plus side, I can go on Facebook more easily (and write stupid stuff like this), but then it also now means I´m a complete loner. Geeees, just as I was starting to make ´work friends´....oh well. 

Not sure what plans are for this week apart from another party with the insurance lot, the crazy crew. You would never think people working in insurance would be that fun...I take that from my Dad who works in that sector....although saying that, he did get pissed on Saturday afternoon going to a football match with his uni mates ... "The Reekers" they call themselves...and then had to go to a dinner party afterwards, of which Judith (mother) was not impressed. Anyway yeah, drinks with them and then think I´m going to see the stage show of "The Lion King" in Spanish lol....love a wee a musical. 

Diet has started, bought a shit load of salad yesterday. However, I have decided not to count alcohol as let´s be honest, that´s not going to happen. 

Here´s to the next 6 weeks!

DAY 49: La Subnormal (Retard)

I really am quite a retard. I wish I could excuse this story with the fact that I was drunk or dancing or something but nope, I literally just tripped...I tripped and fell backwards into my glass coffee table, smashing right through it. Go me. Luckily I wasn´t too badly cut, just a bit of a slice on my leg which I carefully wrapped my towel round to stop the pulsing blood....so good at first aid me... I have really hurt my back though and went to the hospital yesterday to see if it was ok. I wasn´t entirely sure what they told me but I think I have fractured it or something...don´t really know what that means...and so I am on some strong pain killers. Woo! Missed work yesterday and literally spent the whole day in bed because when I stand up, it bloody hurts so much. Came into work today and really wish I wasn´t here but feel bad missing yet another day. I´M GOING HOME ON THURSDAY!!! YAYAYAYAYAYA :D So happy!! I get to see my beautiful doggy Djibril. He´s such a cutie. Funny how that´s the part I´m most excited about, yeah parents will be there and yeah home cooked food, but OMG MY DOG - I miss him so much. God I´m sad... Not much other news really. Been out a few times. Went to an awesome party last Wednesday actually, a Harper´s Bazaar VIP party if you will.....free cocktails....free manicure....free bottle of rum upon leaving....the new collection of Louboutins just you know, lying about......I felt like such an ugly mess though. There I was surrounded by stick-thin models and I stood there dumpy looking, attempting my best to look cool. I´m not cool, so that was quite a struggle. Saturday night was Lara´s birthday and was good fun, having a bit of a botellon in one of the plazas (drinking on the street) before heading to a club. I felt like a little underager hiding my beer as the policemen came to tell us off. We just replied ´NO HABLO SPANISH´and it seemed to work. Idiots. Diet is really going to start next week (can´t be this week...I´m going home, and knowing my mum, she is going to stuff me with home cooking til I can hardly move). So next week! Joining a gym (Erasmus grant should FINALLY be coming in thank God!)....and banning myself from cheese, bread and tortilla....If I am not looking bloody hot by December 22nd (special wee party going on then ;) ), I will be so disappointed. JUST DO IT SLAW.

DAY 41: La Lesbiana

You wouldn´t think it, but the insurance lot really are so funny. I work in Marketing so I don´t actually work with them, which is probably quite good seeing as I tend to make a tit out of myself most of the time I´m with them. Just speaking to a girl named Marta on the internal office chat, who I met on Friday night , I go "Yeah I always feel so stupid when I´m around you guys," she replies "No. We are a curious group because all of us work in the financial world in the Big 4, investment banks or doing a phd related to this....freaks. We work hard in very stressful jobs and that´s why we drink and smoke more than what is recommended, it is our way out, and after the first shisha and a few beers later, we have the IQ of a chicken." It made me laugh. She´s cute. She really is a funny character actually. On Friday she was telling me about how it doesn´t matter if you have sex with someone ugly because you can just turn the lights off and imagine someone else! She said she was joking when she said she imagines Pedro (remember BEAUTIFUL Pedro the big boss man from the first week) when having sex with her boyfriend, but I don´t actually think she was.... Anyway, on Friday night it was Tono´s farewell party and my classiness was truly thrown out the window. I didn´t think I had drunk that much when all of a sudden I started feeling sick. However, I was still "aware of what I was doing" let´s just say, and so I took this moment to go to the bathroom and tactically...you know what. I´m a grim person. However, it worked, I could continue on drinking and the next day, I DIDN´T HAVE A HANGOVER! Fabz fabz fabz. I´m sure I don´t give off a very good impression on these blogs but I don´t really care, I´m 20, Scottish and in Spain.... 

I went to Alacalá on Saturday and vegged out with Liz in front of several "fantastic" films. The first being, The Bling Ring, would recommend but is kind of weird and can´t believe it´s a true story. The second, Despicable Me 2, although sadly we didn´t get to see the end because of stupid streaming sites. The third one was, The Hunchback of Notre Damn. I don´t even remember watching it as a child but I don´t think it should be classed as children´s film....it´s so mean. Poor wee Quazimodo! What´s also embarrassing, is that I actually thought it was a true story up until that point, when I told Liz and she just looked at me like "what you on about?". That night, Liz really got lucky. We were sharing her bed and she said that 80% of the night I was trying to spoon her in my sleep and kept putting my leg over her as though she was my boyfriennd. Clearly my subconscious is telling me something....I´m sure she enjoyed it though...I mean who wouldn´t, I´m a very sexy person..... :/ There was also one point where somehow all the duvet and sheet was wrapped around me and I was trapped for about 5 minutes like a sauasage trying to unravel myself. It was quite a scary experience. I probably just shouldn´t share bed with people. Should probs just become a nun.

On Sunday, Sanderson came round and yet again Cristina cooked us all a lovely lunch, with lots of wine and sex chat of course. Cristina really does make me laugh, on the one side she is motherly and caring and on the other side she is just a hilarious and horny woman. I do love her a little bit. We then all went to smoke some shisha in a cool wee hippie café. We were all so relaxed when leaving that I just couldn´t be bothered getting back on the train.

I had to sit in on a 3 hour long conference today on the exciting topic of Taxes...life today was riveting.

DAY 38: La Nudista

Well well done me and my linguistic skills. I was talking to one of the girls at work today about my dad and describing to her the term 'dadd'y's girl'. In this explanation what I meant to say was 'I suck up to my dad so that he think's I'm a little princess'....what it came out as was ' I suck off my dad so that he thinks I'm a little princess.' F.M.L. The horror on this girl's face was followed by 'QUE?!' especially with the fact that I said it so casually. At first I thought, alright calm down love, I suck up to my dad yeah to fool him a bit what's the big deal, I don't like him knowing and I smoke, get drunk...and other things...(even though I'm fooling myself that he doesn't already know these things)...and then she told me what I said, forever scarring me with that image in my mind. Good one Sarah! Ew.

ANYWAY, apart from that work has been pretty busy this week with lot's of events. This means a lot of setting up tables and greeting people but it also means a lot of free food and wine. I got to go to an international event is this very fancy casino on Tuesday night and have lovely champagne and dinner. Actually, the dinner wasn't that great, it was fish (gag) - never give me fish - but it was still fancy. Today's event was a breakfast meeting called 'Fashion Lab' and so there were people coming from Luis Vuitton, Hermes, Cortefiel etc, and as you would suspect, a lot of very camp men! I tried to dress appropriately, you know business chic 'with a twist' but pretty sure my style didn't quite suffice. However, it was fun to see all these people none-the-less even though all I did was go up and down an elevator all morning bringing each person to the conference room. That's 50 floors by the way, up and down 50 levels every 5 minutes! There was a man and woman who came in and I just assumed they were business partners as they seemed to know each other reasonably well. Maybe they were, but they also seemed to have quite an 'initimate' relationship. As we went up the tower, he kept his hand on her ass whilst they kissed and stroked each other....not really something you would expect to see in an office for a global audits company..especially in a lift full of staff...but the Spanish are pretty fond of their PDA. Gag. Seriously, they are kissing everywhere you go, and in the park they practically have sex. So grim. Not a fan of a pda...

So I get the metro every morning to work and as you do on the London tube, I people watch. It's quite good because what I've come to realise is that Spain (I guess like London as well) really has a lot of weirdos. I've seen transvestites, more people practically having sex and women breast feeding with their full on boobs out, no kidding, I've seen their nipples and everything....and they call the English girls slags....:P It also gets so hot on the metro and as a fake tan user, this does not bode well, with brown beads of sweat dripping down my neck....lovely. Sometimes it should just be acceptable to walk around naked...although I guess that contradicts what I just said about the breast feeding mothers!

Apart from all that I have had a pretty quiet week chilling by myself, which has actually been quite nice. I can laze about and catch up on series, walk round naked, have time to cook nice food and skype my friends back home. Tonight, however, I am out for another 'despedida' (farewell party) so the free drinks will be flowing. Tomorrow then I off to Alcala (again)...it has become my second home! Here's to it being Friday! 

DAY 34: La Patata

I mentioned in a previous blog that when the other girls were dancing on the bar, I refrained, as to save people´s eyes. However, things change. On Friday night Rosie and I found ourselves up on the air above everyone, acting as though we fucking ruled the club. We also hopped on a podium thing and no one would dare even ask us to come down because yeah, we were fucking awesome ;) All in all it was a very good night, drinking almost an entire bottle of vodka between us, stealing shots at the bar and dancing away until it was time for a much deserved pizza slice! We arrived back at the flat (with Andrew) at about 3.30am (far too early for España) so continued to drink until we decided Mean Girls was all of a sudden a good idea :/ Munching away on doritos and salsa and a pizza I tried cooking in the microwave that literally turned black and tasted vile, we all lay in bed, laptop in front of us and loaded Mean Girls. Rosie and I woke up about 11am - Andrew was gone, the bed covered in crumbs and the titles of Mean Girls playing on my laptop...neither of us remembered watching any of it...pretty sure we all just passed out, oops. 

So you would think that as I had a friend to stay we would be proactive in doing touristy things, sight-seeing, walking, exploring the city...ok we did go and get some tapas (being all ´cultural´ and all) but really we spent most of the next day watching episodes and episodes of Breaking Bad. Yes, I am only JUST getting into it...so please stay hush! Saturday night involved slobbing in front of the tv even more, watching The X Factor and gorging on cheese. Sunday was shopping day! I say shopping day when in actual fact we only went to one shop, Sephora, spending so much time painting lipsticks and eyeliners on our hands and buying much more than we should have. For some reason I bought this sparkly fake tan that you can also put in your hair to make it ´sparkle´. Not such a great idea, my hair is not sparkly but instead a greasy, sticky mess...good thinking Sarah! We had a pizza for lunch and then decided to fat ourselves up even more by ordering a chinese for dinner. Seriously, I feel like I need to get liposuction! Diet starts today! 

So all in all it was a pretty fun weekend. Great chat and gossip (what else would you expect from two girls who haven´t seen each other for a few months), lots of wine, a lot of dancing (we were still complaining about our aching legs yesterday....we just worked our bootays so hard) and a lot A LOT of food. I am officially a potato.

DAY 31: La Spaztica

Do we speak as quickly as the Spanish do? Literally sometimes they speak so quickly as though they have to fit a sentence in before taking a breath. It´s funny because even though my Spanish is improving, I still sound like such a retard as I say everything so slowly, and if I try and say a phrase quickly, they have trouble understanding my whatever-it-is accent....am I Scottish (all my life there)? Am I Northern Irish (my parents are from there)? Or am I English (born there). The only thing I know is, I´m not Welsh. Let´s just say British. I helped out with an event this morning, greeting people, but as my Spanish is limited, I only ever said ´Buenos días´, again coming across as a spaz. Thankfully though some of them instantly knew I was English (British...whatever) and so understood that I wasn´t just stupid. It´s not that hard to tell. I stick out so much here, not only because of hair and skintone but, they are all midgets! I am literally a giant! Saldy my cold is coming back but thanks to Lara, I have found this new power drug which works so well! Usually nothing ever works for me, I´m always ill and always have some sort of cold, I´ve even been referred to just as ´the germ´(my friends love me so much...). However, this stuff is amazing and they don´t sell it in the UK. I´m defs going to be a wee drug mule importing tonnes of it back with me at Christmas time! 1 hour left of work (yes...I´m doing work right now....clearly..) and then time for a boozy lunch with Rosie. Bring on the weekend :)

DAY 30: El Vino

Had such a lovely day yesterday. After work I went to Alcala again and had yet another beautiful lunch at Liz's house. Her flatmate, Cristina, makes the most amazing food. There was chicken, chorizo, chickpeas in salsa, bread, olives, black pudding (kind of)..just so much...and it was soooo good. Of course a lot of red wine was consumed as well, along with gin and tonics, beer, and a cava milkshake! Of course, yet again, I am hungover. 

So of course being in Spain, we had lunch about 4pm and we were joined by Sarah (now referred to as Sanderson, and me Slaw) and Cristina's work colleague, Pablo....(such a typical Spanish name). A lot of good chat over dinner and later on a game of 'Never Have I Ever'.....playing this with an older woman who I swear has done everything..was good craic. 

At work today I had to envelope tonnes and tonnes of letters and then address them all, really pretty boring but at least I didn't have to deal with people in my hungover state. Literally, I arrived to work (straight from Alcala as I stayed at Liz's) in yesterday's tights, a smelly t-shirt, contacts slept in, greasy hair and make up on from the night before...I'm literally going to be known as the office skank! Ah well! Of course I had a siesta this afternoon and now I am preparing myself for a weekend of 'banter' with my pal Rosie who is visiting me....YAYA! 

DAY 26: La Semana

So haven't written in a while so best get crackin' on my past week. It's definitely been a week of ups and downs!

Monday and Tuesday I'm not going to lie, were pretty shit. I was feeling very homesick and lonely and I really missed everyone back home! However, things change. On Wednesday, I went for a very spontaneous night out with Andrew. We were doing a bit of a bar crawl and picking up leaflets from people in the street. One girl brought us to a club which was completely free for girls - this is what I love about Spain! Andrew had to pay 10 euros to get in but with that he got 2 drinks for whatever he wanted. I, on the other hand, was just given a glass to refill and refill - I chose gin and tonic, because I'm just so classy.... We then went to this bar called Starstudio which I had been to 3 years ago. The place has transformed so much. We arrived, and again being a girl, I got a free mojito ;) Everyone was dancing and we got up on this podium and belted out the tunes, which included the Proclaimers....best song ever for a Scottish person when you're drunk. Suddenly, these people were up on the bar, dressed up as LMFAO, they stripped off down to their pants and everyone went mad. Then we got funnels of cava poured down our throats (again all free) and then there was a competition on the bar for girls to 'shake their booties'...I did not compete...that would not have been a good experience for anyone's eyes! Of course at 6pm, we found ourselves in McDonalds before walking back home. As I said by to Andrew I go 'I don't even feel that drunk! I have to get up in a hour, I'll just stay awake..' So, if you've read a previous blog of mine, that sounds very familiar...and yes, again, I did sleep in and miss work! I need to grow up. However, I told my boss I had just 'forgotten to set my alarm' and she told me to come and work a bit later. It was fine and she wasn't angry at all....PHEW.

Friday was a good night as well. I met up with Liz and some of her friends from when she was in Spain three years ago. They were so much fun. Embracing the Spanish lifestyle, we went for dinner at midnight! Crazy, but that is so normal here! I drank so much wine, and I could feel myself getting pissed again. Liz stayed over on Friday and both of us woke up in the morning, heads aching and feeling numb. There were doritos in the bed, Liz was in her pants and my bag looked as though it had just been thrown across the room. I'm not even lying when I say that I stayed in bed until 8pm that day! Laziest person ever. Anyway, it was then time to get back on it, but this night was not the best....Lara came round for drinks which was fun and we chatted about everything, basically telling each other our life stories and drunkenly getting emotional. We then met up with another girl, Sarah, in a place called Tribunal where she was hanging out with some Spanish dudes. Now I'm quite an open-minded person and these people were lovely, don't get me wrong...but...if I say that they were all long-haired, pierced and tattooed, the picture of me in a blue and gold sparkly top and full face of make up, probably doesn't pop into mind. We had a drink with them in a bar and then I really decided I wanted to go home. I hailed a taxi and ended the evening watching X Factor!

I went on a wee walking tour by myself today to just get to know the city a bit better. It really is a beautiful city with so much to offer. I bought some Spanish food from a wee market, looked in a few shops, and then chilled at Lara's for a bit.

In terms of work, things are slowly getting better. I have been really struggling with it and it is definitely the hardest thing I've ever done. I feel like the team think I am so stupid! However, I asked my boss, Mabel, if I could have a little meeting with her about what's expected of me and just to say how I was feeling about things. It's a good thing I did! She asked me: 'So how long have you been here now Sarah?' '3 weeks'. She had such a shocked expression on her face. She for some reason thought that I had been in the other department for 5 months! She apologised and apologised to me because she had been treating me like I knew everything, when really I am pretty clueless. At least now they will understand why I'm so crap.

What I've learnt about Spain so far is that it really is behind the times on everything. I mean this in terms of the corporate world and in terms of lifestyle and culture. Technologically they are not as advanced, things close so early, everyone is late all the time and the men really do like to shout things at you. It's great in some ways because I love seeing different cultures and I like the way they stay true to their traditions, however, as I've said before, there is a reason why they suffer so much economically and a lot of it comes down to the fact that they are just not progressing with the rest of the us.

DAY 19: Alcala

It's quite reassuring when a Spanish person asks you for directions. It's especially satisfying when you know exactly where they need to go and you can say it in Spanish. Get in Slaw!

If I cancel out Friday (my day of rest), in which I slobbed in my pyjamas and watched shit tv all day 'recovering' from the night before, I had a pretty good weekend. Surprisingly today, my boss didn't mind that I had missed work. My lie of being ill was so obvious but yet no comment was made - phew! If you think about it, I was actually ill, it was just my immature self that had made me that way....sangria...whisky....beer...gin.....ANYWAY, on Saturday I went to Sol to try and find a bank. Nope still don't have a bank account, and nope, there were no banks open. Really don't know what I'm going to do :/. So as I was strolling through Sol, across the road I saw this couple who I recognised. I had to double-take because it would be so random that they would be in Madrid this time of year and that I would bump into them, but it was them, it was my friend Fee's parents. I ran over to them and I have to say it was quite comformting having someone I actually knew in Madrid, and they took me for a coffee which was really nice. After that, Lara and I went shopping and found our new favourite shop, Pimkie. It's such good value for such nice clothes. Saying that, I went into the changing room with about 10 items and came out with 2 - I am so hard to please, I never like things on me! Plus, bank balance really isn't too healthy at the moment what with being an unpaid intern! Anyway, got myself a wee jumper and a sort of kimono thing, really don't know if that's cool or not? That's me, trying to be 'edgy' and all that...

I wish I was at San. Bernabeu on Saturday night to watch the Atletico v Real game. I only live 5 minutes away!!! I ended up watching it in a bar anyway with Alvaro, which was still good fun. However, I do have to admit, I am one of those girls who pretends she is into football when really she has no idea what is going on....so....I always say I support Liverpool, just because my Dad and brother do - Stevie G right?! - and on Saturday with Alvaro he asked me who I was supporting, and I just go 'oh yeah I follow Real Madrid'. Excuse me, you 'follow Real Madrid' Sarah?! Name any of their recent matches. The only thing I can say is, I know who Christian Bale is....oops....Gareth I mean!..Gareth Bale! :P Anyway, as an Atleti fan, Alvaro was not too impressed, but it was fun even still.

On Sunday I got the train to Alacala de Henares, which is a cute wee town 40 minutes north of Madrid. There I met a new friend, Liz, who is friends with someone I know from home. Small small world! I had a really nice afternoon with her and the Spanish lady who she lives with, who is really kind of crazy. She seemed to love talking about sex (fits perfectly with me ;) ) and she was teaching us all these dirty phrases...how useful! She also made this A-M-A-Z-I-N-G lunch and I was so so full afterwards. It got to about 5pm and I realised I was fairly tipsy as well what with all the wine and beer she supplying me with - I just find it too hard to say no! Later that day, I met up with Sophie, who is trying to find an apartment there. We went for a few drinks with her friends before it was time for me to really think about going home, what with bloody work the next day!

So here I am in my wee apartment, and it is absolutely pouring outside - I did not ask for this - I moved AWAY from Scotland! Not sure what plans I have this week but no doubt it will include cerveza, cigarillos, baile, duermo, divertido y un poco más sol!!! (For you non-linguists: BEER, CIGARETTES, DANCING, SLEEP, FUN and A LITTLE MORE SUNSHINE) ;)

DAY 16: La Ley

I woke up this morning in my bra and tights, contacts still in making me half blind and make up still on. There was a half eaten bowl of pasta next to me and all the lights were on. I looked at my watch, it said 12pm and I honestly thought it was just broken. So then I looked at my phone and nope, it was 12pm - I had missed work!

So last night I was invited out for drinks with some of the office people. I really didn't want to go. I just imagined a bunch of older accountants having a couple of beers and being home before 12. With what I just described to you as my morning, clearly, I was wrong! I met Isabel and a couple of others at the metro stop and we walked to this nearby bar where everyone was wearing nice dresses and heels .... I was in a blue shirt and denim shorts (which I have somehow ripped). Anyway, the alcohol was free and I was very shy and nervous, so there was really no other option than to drink a lot. Everyone talked to me in English, probably not the point of me being here but hey, and they wanted to know all about the UK and how it's different to Spain. I then got onto a conversation about the differences between Spanish boys and English boys and Spanish girls and English girls. So this guy said to me 'This is how we perceive the British. You will agree with what I say about boys but you will get angry with what I say about the girls.' I nudged him on. 'English boys are...how you say.....assholes?' I agreed. 'And well erm, English girls, I think the word is...easy?' I laughed. 'You're not angry?' he said. 'Not at all. It's true.' And so there we go first impression made, I'm a slag. 

So after a couple of beers, a couple of sangrias, and a treble gin and tonic (yeah it's not just Newcastle folks ;) ), Fernando, crazy crazy Fernando ordered 5 shots of whisky and says to me. 'You're Scottish. You've got to show us how it's done.' Christ. I thought he was meaning I had to do all the shots! Luckily not, they were for other people as well. That did not go down well. 

We were in this bar until about 2am (early in Spain), drinking, smoking inside, dancing, eating...it was so much fun, and everyone was trying to teach me Spanish swearwords. Fernando, crazy crazy Fernando, told me that if I wanted to say that I'm drunk, I can use the word 'mamoda' (I think). However, this has two meanings, the first being 'I'm drunk' like he said, and the second, the meaning he did not to tell me, was basically 'I want to blow you'. Great. So as I said it to people I got a lot of looks like 'alright calm down you Scottish slag' until I was finally told otherwise!

We headed to a club around 2.30am which was really good fun and it was at this point I just became a total mess. It's that moment in the night where just don't care how stupid you look. I was jumping on people, stealing people's hats, taking photos and apparently...sending my friends snapchats of me on the toilet?? I really know how to stay classy. Suddenly it was 5.30am and it was time to go. We all walked out, which at this point I realised all the girls I was hanging with had gone, and it was just me and the boys. Anyway, I really don't know how this happened but I got into a political debate with this guy about the UK and Spain. I say political debate but it was really just him winding me up well with me drunkenly yelling 'yeah but you're country is in so much shit, the UK rule all'. What an embarrassment! I forget sometimes how angry I can get when I'm drunk...some of you will know this all too well! The argument eventually ended after I realised he was just taking the piss out of me and we ended up hugging being like 'I LOVE YOOOOOU'. Typical. 

I remember coming home at 6am and laughing so much and practially talking to myself going 'ah I have an hour to sleep. Hehehe. I'm so naughty. Hehehe.' Now I swear I set my alarm...but erm, clearly I was far too pissed. SO my boss is going to be happy on Monday.....

Oh, and I better mention, I called this blog 'La Ley' because that is what they have all started calling me. It means Law in Spanish. I quite liked it, because because I was 'the law', everyone had to play by my rules...which means, next time I go out with Fernando, he has promised to wear a skirt to represent a true Scotsman ;) yeah buddy.

DAY 14: La Siesta

I am one lazy-ass motherfucker. I thought I could never get into the Spanish way of life with a nap in the afternoon, but wow, I LOVE them. It's not even that I've had many late nights, I'm just fucking lazy. So with the food as well, I am going to be a whale by the time Christmas comes (and I'm hardly going to lose weight then what with the mince pies, roast potatoes and wine). FML. However, I've promised myself I'll join a gym...I just need to move my butt to go and find one!

The past two days have been pretty chilled, a couple beers with Lara now and again, lots of good girl chat going on ;) and really yesterday the only exciting thing I did was erm...clean my flat. I'm so wild. I had gotten into the habit of leaving dishes everywhere and it was really pretty ming. What motivated me? My disgust at myself? No. Sophie who is also a Spanish student at Newcastle arrives today and is staying at mine tonight. Got to make my guests feel comfortable! Saying that, it looks so much better, so I'm going to try my hardest to keep it this way.

Work is a lot better. My new boss looks like Cheryl Cole, so as a secret lesbian admirer of Ms Cole, I'm pretty happy ha. The team are all lovely as well and young and fashionable - that's right, it's back to the pencil skirts and stillettos - the sexy businesswomen is back ;)

DAY 11: Las bebidas y las copas

After a crazy night out in London this summer with my cousin, Izzy, I had such a horrific hangover the next day that for the entire following week I said I would be tee-total forever. Paha - coz that was going to last! Since I've arrived in Madrid, I actually can't think of any day in which I have not consumed alcohol. Here in Spain, you have your 'bebidas' and 'copas'. As I was told last night, a bebida, could be a coffee, a soft drink, water or beer - clearly beer is not counted as being alcoholic here as 'copa' is what you refer to as an alcholic drink, and this is not a beer. 

Anyway, on Friday night I went out with Lara and Christian to 'Club Random'. When I've asked Madrilenos about it, no one knows what it is. If I were to liken it to a club back home, I would have to say Cab Vol. So, for you who know me all too well, not really my scene! However, give me a few drinks, and I'm dandy and I ended up having a really good night! There was one point, where I'm not really sure what I was doing, but I lost both Christian and Lara and had a sudden freak-out. I come out with two people and I've already lost them, in a city I don't know! Classic drunken Slaw. After a while I found them though and thank God because there was this little puny man, seriously like half my height, touching my ass all night. Sometimes I would pretend Lara was my lesbian partner, sometimes Christian was my boyfriend, and sometimes we were a threesome...oh yeaaaah. So this little man, who did not want to leave me alone, asked for my number. Why Sarah, why oh why did you give it to him?! Stupid drunken Slaw. So, yesterday he kept whatsapping me even though I wasn't replying - contact now blocked! He then found me on facebook, did I give him my name? Christ Sarah. Friend request declined. And today, after all that, clearly I am not interested, he tries face-timing me. Such a wee nube. If anyone can tell me how you block a number completely, and not just via whatsapp, then PLEASE let me know. Eurgh! ANYWAY, I had a good night otherwise, and even smoked a a fag inside the club - just such a rebel eh? :P 

Saturday was LAZY. Hungover and not wanting to move, I lay in my bed, eating cream crackers ( the only food I had) and watched shitty tv. Some things don't change no matter where you are. However, Saturday night was a whole lot different. Pedro, BEAUTIFUL Pedro, introduced me to his nephew, Alvaro. We went out for drinks, then dinner, then more drinks (the gentleman paid of course)....and I'll just add now...he's a fucking Hollister model. Get in! Nothing happened though. Classic tragic Slaw. 

Today I had a massive sushi lunch with a couple of the girls from work. Despite my horrific Spanish (which I have discovered I speak so much better when drunk...any excuse for alcohol here....), it was so much fun and just proper girly chat, from fake tan to Kate Middleton to Geordie Shore, with them being in such shock that I went to Newcastle where these Geordies exist. I really hope they don't think I'm like that - not the best impression to make on your work colleagues! 

So now I'm back at my wee studio apartment, still love it, and going to have a siesta before vegging in front of The X Factor. Was I ever going to not watch it just because I'm in Spain? Er, no. Too much love for that show (even though Chezza my bezza is no longer on it :( ).

DAY 9: Los Chicos

IT'S FRIDAY!!!! Slaw is happy happy happy.

So, I completed my first week of work and I have to say, I'm a little bit proud of myself. The work is really not that enjoyable and I honestly cannot stand the women I work with. They're so unfriendly and look down on me so much and literally I just want to be like 'er...fuck you.' However, on Monday, I've been told I'm moving departments to Events Management, which is apparently a lot more fun. Adios putas! 

I have met some lovely work people though and yesterday had a massive lunch with a few of them. I'm also meeting a couple of the girls on Sunday for sushi, so that's good - the social life is expanding!

I do have a particular highlight of work today. Sitting at my desk, this man suddenly appeared and said 'Hola Sarah.' Who was he? I didn't know, but, he was BEAUTIFUL. He was very Spanish looking, and I take back my previous thought about not finding Spanish men that attractive. He stood there, tanned skin, wavy black hair, shirt unbuttoned and a wee cravat. BEAUTIFUL. So, who was he? Ah, it was Pedro - my dad's friend from work who had got me this internship - gotta love a cheeky connection. Pedro took me down to his office and was very welcoming. He kept asking me questions but I literally could not bring any words to my mouth. It was so embarrasing! I almost felt a bit like Anastasia Steele when she first meets Christian Grey, but without the chains, whips and handcuffs of course! (Girls, you know what I'm referring to..boys..the porn of the female world, Fifty Shades of Grey)! I was on the phone to my dad after work and told him how BEAUTIFUL Pedro was. He then goes 'Now, I don't want you being flirty Sazzer - he's married with kids.' Dad, do you think I'm some kind of home-wrecking slut? He's also like 45! Just nice to have some eye candy!

As I said though, Spanish men usually are not very appealing to me. They are so pervy and as you walk past go either 'ssssssssss' or 'you. are. beautiful.' It creeps me out. It's like they almost expect me to turn around and go 'yeah boy, lets have sex, right now.' Ew, no thank you. British boys, however, if you want to tell me I'm beautiful then I will more than welcome that compliment - although I do not see that happening!

Now there's a cafe/bar opposite my flat which I went to by myself the other day. I ordered a beer and tortilla and sat in the sun with my book. The waiter was very 'friendly'...he asked me for my name, where I lived and how long I'm here for and wanted to 'kiss me goodbye' when I left. I have to pass it everyday on the way to work, so whenever I see him standing outside and about to come over, I look the other way or as what everyone does in these kind of 'not wanting to talk to you situations'...pretend I'm on my phone!

Enough about boys and my vanity at being 'admired' though. Tonight I'm off drinking. I met Lara and Christian yesterday and they were really cool. A couple of beers yesterday, and (hopefully) a few more tonight! Cerveza Cerveza Cerveza!

DAY 8: La Mierda

Being a Scot, it´s understandable I find the heat here difficult. That is why last night my stomach was tossing and turning for hours whilst I huddled over my toilet. How grim. I blame dehydration and my habit of drinking beer instead of water. However, it could also have been the ´tuna´empanadilla I had at lunch...tuna is meant to be red, right? I was so gutted as well. I had been invited out for drinks with some Erasmus people that night, MY FIRST FIESTA IN SPAIN!!! Instead, I lay in the fetal position in bed, watching a partiuclar home comfort of mine, The Great British Bake-Off. Moving on from that, I feel so much better today and I am even considering going out for drinks tonight - you can take the girl out of Scotland...

The past two days at work have been just a little bit better. I emailed a Madrileño from the office in London who I met this summer and asked her if she could "hook me up" with anyone in the office here. I met Laura, a lovely, younger, Spanish girl who said that she will show me around the city. It´s been with this that I´ve been thinking how important it is to push yourself in these situations. You need to ask people about things and express when you´re unhappy. Otherwise, like before, you could just end up sitting at a desk all day doing nada.

The boss still isn´t great though. However, I did get some slight satisfaction over her the other day. As I implied previously, she´s one of these people who is quite up on her high horse. As I went to the office loo and waited as the cubicles were all full, my boss then appeared out of one. Seeing me there waiting, an embarrassed expression spread across her face - that's right, she had done both a stinker and a floater! 1 - up- slaw. Don't look at me like shit babe if I have to look at yours. And oh, I waited until another cubicle was free...faeces makes me gag.

DAY 6: La economía

In the tough financial times that we've had over the recent years, some might ask why the Spanish economy is especially bad...I think I could give the explanation a fair go without going into too much detail about GDP and GNP and all that other stuff that I am meant to know from uni...

1. Everything in the workplace is done 'luego'. This means 'later'. You ask for something to be done and then ooh two days later they are working on it.
2. They all sleep in the afternoons - the typical Spanish 'siesta'. Does any work get done in this time? No. Instead, let's just have a beer over a massive lunch and then go to sleep for a couple of hours as working at 2pm is just too stressful.
3. The banks shut at 2.30pm. That means you have half an hour from the start of your siesta at 2pm to run to the bank before it closes. Does it reopen again? Very rarely. Can you go in your spare time at the weekend? Paha!
4. Work starts at 9am, but at 11am it's time for another breakfast. A good 45 minutes of work lost again.
5. Spanish women don't like English girls. Say you have a 20 year old English girl working as an unpaid intern for you, it is advisable to look at them with pity like an animal at the zoo. Teamwork - nah!
6. Spanish men like English girls. More time is spent looking at their breasts than looking at the computer screen.

Just an observation!

DAY 5: La Fashionista

Spanish exchanges who came to our school were always memorable for dressing poorly. They would arrive with their polo-necks, baggy jeans and rucksacks, whilst us girls, at the age of 14, would be wearing uggs, skinny jeans and a tighter-fitting top to highlight our then AA-cup breasts. I guess I assumed that the exchanges just hadn’t grown into what we saw as ‘fashion’, however, seeing the women in the office on my first day of work, I think maybe poor dress sense is a Spanish thing. Middle-aged women dressed in floral dresses that were all too short for their older bodies to pull off, combining that with make-up that looked like they hadn’t taken off since the 80’s. I arrived, business chic, being the ‘sexy businesswomen’ I had always wanted to be. There I was in my tight black pencil skirt, peplum top (highlighting my now D-cup breasts) and ‘office’ stilettos, looking more like I was going out for drinks than a day in the office. Maybe acceptable in London, but here, I stuck out like a sore thumb.

If I’m honest, my first day at work was crap. That’s the only way to put it. My boss, Raquel, looked at me like a piece of shit and told me to unpack her boxes into her new desk. As I stumbled around in my heels and tight skirt unloading these many crates, I thought to myself ‘Is this really a marketing internship? No’. So after my first day, I am referring to her as the ‘office bitch’, but hopefully this will change over time.

DAY 4: La Gordita Inglesa

How Spaniards stay so slim and yet eat so much baffles me. It’s fair to say that by the end of my trip here I will no doubt be “una gordita inglesa”, somehow a compliment in Spain, it actually means “fat little English girl”. At every bar or café that I’ve been to so far, they will give you any free food just to accompany your drink. I’m talking small things like olives, crisps and peanuts, to larger plates like the English favourite, cheesy chips. It’s hard to avoid all this as well. Every second shop is a café (which also all serve as beer houses at the same time). It doesn’t help either that the alcohol is so cheap – 1 euro for a pint and 6 euros for a jug of sangria. Known as a bit of a ‘heavy drinker’ in Newcastle, or more commonly just a ‘mess’ – I think I’ll be pretty happy here!

So I came to Madrid with my parents, which was really just the comfort I needed to settle in with, but, as you would imagine, parents can’t last long without having their embarrassing moments. Firstly, we have my dad, referring to ‘la cuenta’ (the bill) at every restaurant as ‘la CUNT-a’, purely because he finds it funny to say to the non-English speaking waiter. Dad, you’re in your fiftees. Then we have my mum, practising her Spanish at every given opportunity. Mum maintains she has acquired Portuguese language skills from our holidays there and likes to mix it up with her ‘o-level’ French. With these ‘skills’ she has, she says she can understand everything. Mum, I’ve been studying Spanish since I was 14, if I am getting a 2:2 in Spanish at university, I doubt your education in the French language from when you were 15 is going to make you a fluent Spanish speaker. Anyway, it has been nice having them here none-the-less!

With my parents here, of course we had to do the standard touristy and cultural things – this included two museums. I have never had an interest in any museum in any country, however, there were two particular paintings that stuck out. The first was in El Prado – a woman who naturally turned into a man at the age of 37 but still had one boob left so that she could breast-feed her child. It was disturbing to say the least. The second was from La Reina Sofía – don’t ask me who drew it or what it’s called because honestly it really doesn’t interest me – but, this guy had painted a self-portrait of himself dying in a car crash. In order for the painting to sell, he then killed himself…in a car crash…which subsequently would earn money for his family…bit drastic love.

Now I’m here on my own in my little studio apartment (which I love). Scared shitless but with Marlboro Lights selling for 3 euros a 20-pack to calm my nerves, 4 bolts on my apartment door to keep me from getting burgled and a trusty rape alarm I got when I was 13 that is meant to help when I am actually in the midst of getting raped... (really?)...I’m hoping I’ll be ok.