DAY 90: La Vida

I haven't written in ages so memories are becoming pretty vague, what with my excessive drinking that my friends keep commenting on, so let's see what I can say....

Work is goooood and my Spanish is getting better and better, so I'm pretty chuffed. Thankfully, without sounding like too much of a bitch here, the new girl left. She was meant to stay here for a year but clearly just couldn't hack it like savvy Slaw can....Don't get me wrong, nice girl, but you know, I just couldn't help but be a bitch to her because she really was just irritating. She would do things wrong and them blame it on me or she would try and delegate her tasks to me etc..it was just like, babes, get a grip. Anyway, she left...wasn't enjoying it...so now it's just me and I have a lot more work to do now she's gone. It's quite good as it does keep me busy and I often stay until about 7pm doing stuff, but it can also just be a bit like eurghhhhhh and many fag breaks are taken. 

I'm obsessed with my boss, Mabel. She's soooo pretty and I think I just fancy her. I literally always try and dress fashionably so she thinks I look good because she is so "on trend" with everything. The others are all pretty great too. Sometimes annoying and sometimes soooo unorganised, like this morning I was woken up at 6am to be told to get into work early - thanks for the warning - wouldn't have stayed up watching the finale of Breaking Bad if I had known. To be fair though, at least I wasn't hungover... 

What pissed me off today though is this guy in the office. So he only arrived last Thursday and sat in the desk in front of me and I did not think anything of him. We spoke no words and I don't think I gave him a second glance. Then when I was packing up my stuff at 7pm he told me to wait and handed me a piece of paper with his phone number on it. Now being classic silly me, I just kind of giggled, which probably came across kind of rude thinking about it now, but hey, who cares - I'm the one being given the number :P. Anyway, I felt it was rude not to text him seeing as I would be seeing him at work today (we had Friday and Monday off). So I texted him and just said it was me and then he proceeded to ask me out on 2 dates over the weekend, both of which I declined - I hate dates with someone you don't know, so bloody awkward. So today he came into work and it was just so incredibly "uncomfortable". He kept staring at me so I pretended I was focussing on my work and then he kept texting me and I just pretended I hadn't seen my phone. No banter whatsover, not the kind of guy I am interested in. One of the texts was like "isn't it funny how no one here knows"...I'm like dude there's nothing here to know and actually they do know because I was taking the piss out of you with them earlier. So then he asked me out for drinks after work and again I declined and he responded with "that's ok, means I can go back to working out in the gym"...really? Did you really just say that? Gag.

I've been getting quite lonely recently in my wee apartment, the novelty of living alone is kind of wearing off. I come home and I have no one to talk to and so the amount of tv watched is becoming ridiculous. I'm considering just taking my dog back with me from Edinburgh after the Christmas holidays. I miss my wee cutie. 

And of course there have been a few drunken nights but I can't remember anything silly I've done....oh no wait, that's a lie. I poured a beer over a guys head the other night because he was insulting Scotland, which was fairly amusing. He then got me back by pouring his vodka over me and I got raging yelling "but I have hair unlike you!" Damn hair was so sticky the rest of the night. Need to learn. We also almost got robbed the other night but luckily my friend Michael was there to save the day as I claimed he was my husband. 

Just over a week now until I am back home and I CANNOT BLOODY WAIT. Can't quite believe I've done 3 months here now, time has flown by and I have absolutely loved it! I am so excited to go home though and see my family, my doggy and my friends, eat Mum's cooking and have my 21st birthday party (woop). Until then, I am munching on purely celery sticks as I'm very very worried that my outfit for my party isn't quite going to fit....yum.

DAY 65: Los Coños

Life here is pretty awesome but I do have to rant a little about Spain and the Spanish.

1. MEN. Oh my God I HATE Spanish men. They are vile and disgusting perverts. They just think it´s acceptable to shout things at you in the street or hiss at you because you look foreign. It is so disgusting. I don´t really get what they expect you to do either. Is it like, "Oh!! You yelled at me on the street/from your car/in the shop/in a café...let´s just have sex RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW. I want you baby." Seriously, what do they expect? Am I meant to be flattered? It is horrible and makes me feel so cheap and scared. It really does suck being a girl. Mother´s tip for this one: wear a burkha.
2. SLOWNESS. I can´t get over how slow people do EVERYTHING here. It´s like a population of tortoises and snails. At work, they´ll give me a task, and I´ll do it, and they´ll be like "oh that was quick!" And I´m like, "err not really, how long does it take to stick a few labels on some envelopes?" If I ask to get something done, then like 2 weeks later it happens. In restaurants and cafés it´s bad as well. You will go up to the bar, wait whilst they chat to their friends, they´ll ask what you want, start making it, then go ask someone else what they want, then chat to their friends, then start making the other persons drink, then finish yours, then finish the other persons, then ask you for money, then serves someone else and then finally they take your money. I´m not a very patient person so this is all just pretty shit. 
3. MY LANDLORD. So I have never really dealt with my landlord, everything goes through this woman at work, who I have to say (is a bit of a retard). I am still yet to pay my rent bills for the two months I´ve been here and they just don´t seem to care. I have sent emails and emails asking how I pay, and all this woman emails me back with is the landlord´s name, useful? NO. I bumped into her the other day and I asked her again and she goes "what else do you need?" I´m like "what do you think I bloody need? You can´t send money over the internet via one name.." Eventually she sent me his details, but without a bill or anything and none of it makes any sense. Basically the jist of it all is is she´s a retard and he´s a retard and sucks for them being both retards because no money is flying anywhere their way....not that they seem to care..
4. WHY ARE SPANISH PEOPLE THIN? They eat so much. Breakfast before work (perhaps cereal or something), breakfast at work (muffin/pain au chocalat/churros), 3 course lunch, tapas (all fatty and fried). I mean seriously, I am really quite happy I cater for myself as I am on my way to becoming a whale.
5. TECHNOLOGY. Websites for gyms etc don´t have prices. Bank websites don´t have opening hours. You cannot get wifi in a house unless you have a landline. They sell cheap knock off chargers that don´t work with iPhones. The email system is way behind. As a bit of an obsessive with technology (especially with my mobile phone), I don´t like this.
6. RUDENESS. The Spanish are known for being slightly rude. I guess to themselves they are not rude, but to everyone else in Europe they seem rude. They find it funny that I say "please" and "thank you" all the time and think that I am so polite. They don´t say "will you do this?" or "would you do this please?". They just say do it. They speak in quite an aggressive manner. It took me a while to get used to this. At first I just thought everyone was just a cunt. Actually, that´s another thing...they swear ALL THE TIME. Now I´m not someone to lack in the swearing department but there´s a time and a place. They swear in schools, in the office, it wouldn´t surprised me if they swore in church. Literally, I was helping out at an important event a few weeks ago and one of the big boss men just entered the meeting going "qué coño"...translated as "what a cunt". No one batted an eyelash/eyelid (I can´t remember what that phrase is...awkward).
7. DRIVING. They can´t drive. Rich coming from me, but they can´t. They don´t indicate, they don´t stop at red lights and they just beep their horns. I´m surprised I haven´t died yet.

Rant over. Happy weekend all!

DAY 11: Las bebidas y las copas

After a crazy night out in London this summer with my cousin, Izzy, I had such a horrific hangover the next day that for the entire following week I said I would be tee-total forever. Paha - coz that was going to last! Since I've arrived in Madrid, I actually can't think of any day in which I have not consumed alcohol. Here in Spain, you have your 'bebidas' and 'copas'. As I was told last night, a bebida, could be a coffee, a soft drink, water or beer - clearly beer is not counted as being alcoholic here as 'copa' is what you refer to as an alcholic drink, and this is not a beer. 

Anyway, on Friday night I went out with Lara and Christian to 'Club Random'. When I've asked Madrilenos about it, no one knows what it is. If I were to liken it to a club back home, I would have to say Cab Vol. So, for you who know me all too well, not really my scene! However, give me a few drinks, and I'm dandy and I ended up having a really good night! There was one point, where I'm not really sure what I was doing, but I lost both Christian and Lara and had a sudden freak-out. I come out with two people and I've already lost them, in a city I don't know! Classic drunken Slaw. After a while I found them though and thank God because there was this little puny man, seriously like half my height, touching my ass all night. Sometimes I would pretend Lara was my lesbian partner, sometimes Christian was my boyfriend, and sometimes we were a threesome...oh yeaaaah. So this little man, who did not want to leave me alone, asked for my number. Why Sarah, why oh why did you give it to him?! Stupid drunken Slaw. So, yesterday he kept whatsapping me even though I wasn't replying - contact now blocked! He then found me on facebook, did I give him my name? Christ Sarah. Friend request declined. And today, after all that, clearly I am not interested, he tries face-timing me. Such a wee nube. If anyone can tell me how you block a number completely, and not just via whatsapp, then PLEASE let me know. Eurgh! ANYWAY, I had a good night otherwise, and even smoked a a fag inside the club - just such a rebel eh? :P 

Saturday was LAZY. Hungover and not wanting to move, I lay in my bed, eating cream crackers ( the only food I had) and watched shitty tv. Some things don't change no matter where you are. However, Saturday night was a whole lot different. Pedro, BEAUTIFUL Pedro, introduced me to his nephew, Alvaro. We went out for drinks, then dinner, then more drinks (the gentleman paid of course)....and I'll just add now...he's a fucking Hollister model. Get in! Nothing happened though. Classic tragic Slaw. 

Today I had a massive sushi lunch with a couple of the girls from work. Despite my horrific Spanish (which I have discovered I speak so much better when drunk...any excuse for alcohol here....), it was so much fun and just proper girly chat, from fake tan to Kate Middleton to Geordie Shore, with them being in such shock that I went to Newcastle where these Geordies exist. I really hope they don't think I'm like that - not the best impression to make on your work colleagues! 

So now I'm back at my wee studio apartment, still love it, and going to have a siesta before vegging in front of The X Factor. Was I ever going to not watch it just because I'm in Spain? Er, no. Too much love for that show (even though Chezza my bezza is no longer on it :( ).

DAY 9: Los Chicos

IT'S FRIDAY!!!! Slaw is happy happy happy.

So, I completed my first week of work and I have to say, I'm a little bit proud of myself. The work is really not that enjoyable and I honestly cannot stand the women I work with. They're so unfriendly and look down on me so much and literally I just want to be like 'er...fuck you.' However, on Monday, I've been told I'm moving departments to Events Management, which is apparently a lot more fun. Adios putas! 

I have met some lovely work people though and yesterday had a massive lunch with a few of them. I'm also meeting a couple of the girls on Sunday for sushi, so that's good - the social life is expanding!

I do have a particular highlight of work today. Sitting at my desk, this man suddenly appeared and said 'Hola Sarah.' Who was he? I didn't know, but, he was BEAUTIFUL. He was very Spanish looking, and I take back my previous thought about not finding Spanish men that attractive. He stood there, tanned skin, wavy black hair, shirt unbuttoned and a wee cravat. BEAUTIFUL. So, who was he? Ah, it was Pedro - my dad's friend from work who had got me this internship - gotta love a cheeky connection. Pedro took me down to his office and was very welcoming. He kept asking me questions but I literally could not bring any words to my mouth. It was so embarrasing! I almost felt a bit like Anastasia Steele when she first meets Christian Grey, but without the chains, whips and handcuffs of course! (Girls, you know what I'm referring to..boys..the porn of the female world, Fifty Shades of Grey)! I was on the phone to my dad after work and told him how BEAUTIFUL Pedro was. He then goes 'Now, I don't want you being flirty Sazzer - he's married with kids.' Dad, do you think I'm some kind of home-wrecking slut? He's also like 45! Just nice to have some eye candy!

As I said though, Spanish men usually are not very appealing to me. They are so pervy and as you walk past go either 'ssssssssss' or 'you. are. beautiful.' It creeps me out. It's like they almost expect me to turn around and go 'yeah boy, lets have sex, right now.' Ew, no thank you. British boys, however, if you want to tell me I'm beautiful then I will more than welcome that compliment - although I do not see that happening!

Now there's a cafe/bar opposite my flat which I went to by myself the other day. I ordered a beer and tortilla and sat in the sun with my book. The waiter was very 'friendly'...he asked me for my name, where I lived and how long I'm here for and wanted to 'kiss me goodbye' when I left. I have to pass it everyday on the way to work, so whenever I see him standing outside and about to come over, I look the other way or as what everyone does in these kind of 'not wanting to talk to you situations'...pretend I'm on my phone!

Enough about boys and my vanity at being 'admired' though. Tonight I'm off drinking. I met Lara and Christian yesterday and they were really cool. A couple of beers yesterday, and (hopefully) a few more tonight! Cerveza Cerveza Cerveza!